The Big Red Cart

I have no sense of direction. Pair my complete lack of direction up with my tendency to get spastic when distracted or overwhelmed, and my afternoon trip to Safeway was damned from the start. Let me start with exhibit A: the big red cart.

 Don't let my posing and dancing with the red cart confuse you, we have a tumultuous relationship.

I took a wrong turn on the way to to the grocery store and the big red cart and I almost ended up at the White House. I turned too early because I was A) distracted by a hoard of natively dressed Peruvians sauntering down the sidewalk. B) I am a horrible cart driver and was flustered after running into every single curb and narrowly missing some rushed looking businessmen and poor Asian tourists (I felt like I should apologize on behalf of this great nation) and C) I was sweating my balls off.

So the big red cart and I walked 15 minutes in the completely wrong direction, stopping every now and then to mop my sweating face off with an old Starbucks napkin I found in the bottom of my purse. Let me tell you something, the weatherman lies. This morning he was going on and on about how it we are lucky to have one last beautiful day before the humidity returns. Lies. All lies. It is humid as a tea party in hell out there.

Retracing my steps and starting over, the card an I finally make it Safeway (mopping my brow with the gross old napkin the whole way). After taking almost taking out every endcap and cheese display in Safeway I finally made it home! Hip-hip-hoorah! And I have nooooooo plans to ever leave my air conditioned apartment again.

And just in case you weren't already thinking that I am the most spastic person alive let me regale you with another tale, this one takes place in Starbucks. After all my moseying around yesterday I thought the perfect way to cool down would be to stop in a Starbucks for an Iced Chai Tea, sounds dream, no? I walk in and order, no problemo, but when I push on the door to exit, no go. I always push doors that should be pulled so I'm not worried and go to give the door a little pull, still nothing. Now I look around in a panic to see if anyone is paying attention to the obviously brain damaged girl unable to exit the store, the store is packed with people getting their caffeine fix after work and two men in a meeting right next to the door are giving me some weird side-eye. What gives? I jiggle the door, a little push here, pull there. Nothing!

Another woman comes over and gives it a go, to which I feel soooo much better when she can't get it to open. I'm not a complete embarrassment! Horrah! Finally fifteen minutes later the Barista comes over and I begin envisioning how I could spend the rest of my life stuck inside this Starbucks, talk about a social experiment. Finally, just as the walls are starting to close in around me the barista has mastered the lock and I'm free. Fresh air never tasted so good.

Here! A random picture of the metro to end on! Wooo!